What is it that keeps my nose to the ground and my eyes wide open? I sure as hell don’t know the answer. I don’t understand defeat and I can’t come to the thought of quitting on my family. I live in my mind. I reside there because it is the place where I do know what I do know. Everything and everyone are very familiar. The effects of other thoughts are what I do not know. I often do not understand their intentions, yet I have to physically live in a world where the result of their thoughts affects me and those I love. When my mind is in this mode it often inspires me to go and live in the country or somewhere next to a beach. I love nature. The thoughts of wanting to please my physical desires are what keep me suffering. One part or level of me wants no part of everyday society and yet another wants me to push me and my family’s life to the limit for the sake of the ride. It’s like an all or nothing attitude on one hand and an I don’t want to be bothered with the sad stories, bickering and hatred of the world attitude on the other. I must say this though, through all of the struggles I’ve faced and overcome I thank God for still allowing me to think and share my thoughts with the world.