Traffic

I am who I am. I do what I do and it is what it is. It takes a lot of courage and character to keep going on after what I’ve been through. Some people have gone crazy and have never recovered from the crazy state of mind due to the stress that was imposed on them. Respect the fact that I’ve put in the work necessary to get my life back in order. Extreme depression and excessive amounts of stress can mess up anyone’s life. If everyone will just take a moment to imagine with me an 18 yr old who is not well traveled or formally educated and has only been faced with urban challenges. In a nutshell that’s who I was when I was dealing with problems that I didn’t have the capacity to understand, manage, control, or properly assess. I didn’t have the intelligence or the resources to reach out to the appropriate human resources to help me out in those situations that I faced as a teenager. The majority of the events that I’ve been through are unprecedented. It will be interesting to see someone do a psychological analysis on all parties in situations like mines. Take my situation and manufacture it with another human being and let’s watch how things play out. Looking back now, at 25 and with a little more intelligence, things were and still are overwhelming and hard to understand. I still can’t seem to understand what took place completely. I have different ideas and theories but it will forever be a mystery. I’m sure everyone that was involved can’t quite understand what took place. It’s not like I’m searching for an answer. I’m just expressing my late night thoughts. Someone sent me a photo to autograph and the photo sent me down memory lane. My choices weren’t the best but I don’t believe people should have written me off the way they did. If you really had love for me you would not have cast me off like a lot of people did without understanding what really took place. At 19 years old circumstances were beyond me. I am who I am though. I’m here and I’m strong. I have a vision. I’m serious and I have integrity. On another note, I have to get something off my mind. It took quite some time to write these next lines…but here they are. I wish much success to all my old friends who forgot about me. That goes from the rich ones to the poor ones. There will never be any hard feelings once I’m released but I will forever remember who stood by my side when things got hard. Now that the popularity, women, clubs, clothes, jewelry, cars, and bright lights are gone, so are you all. I’ll let you all live with that. I have never been hard to find or reach. People make time for things that are important to them. It’s obvious that I’m not important to any of my old friends. I’ll have the last laugh though. Success speaks for itself. Entourage out, family in. No mail, no photos, no magazines, no money orders, or visits…no problem. I’ll save my spare time for my daughter. It hurts when you think that you don’t matter, or should I say, didn’t matter in someone’s life. It makes me feel like the good and bad times that were spent together meant nothing. I’m not looking to reconnect with any of you. I’m just here to say that for future reference, if you ever have a friend who runs into an uncomfortable situation take the time out of your day to make sure that friend is forever good if you have the ability to. Real friends do real things.