Restless
The thought of me possibly going home early is leaving me restless. I think of freedom all day and night. In the nighttime I toss and turn. It seems like the feeling heavily hits me when I am locked down at night. It is as if the thoughts are waiting on me in the cell when I enter at night. I can see the effects in the AM every day. The bags under my eyes are heavy and my nightly thoughts preoccupy my daily rotation. It is sad to say but, it seems like for the first time, the thought of me being free is consuming me. When I had more mandatory time, I didn’t even think of my freedom. The feelings I am experiencing are identical with those of high school seniors. I guess I would say that I am just anxious to get to the next chapter of my life.
I keep telling myself that my personal duties and vision has to be fulfilled despite how I feel. That last sentence keeps me moving. There are people who have more complex dilemmas that stump them. I will get over this. This is one of those mentally challenging moments I discuss with everyone. It is the oddest of things that keep my mind running. It is hardly ever the things I expect to bother me. I think it is bothering me because I am trying to control it, figure it out, and deal with it. It is like I want to look in the future and hear the prosecutor and judge’s decision about me leaving early. Certainty births security and security births peace. Peace births clarity and clarity allows me to move accordingly. Who knew a couple of bad decisions would have me in a cell even contemplating these thoughts. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem real.
April 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm
This blog’s where its happenning. Keep up the good work.
April 21, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Hey
I was looking at your wikipedia page today (curious about what happened) and it had a link to here. I’ve been reading your blog for about an hour now and I just wanted to say I agree with what you said about how important and amazing education is. Good luck with your upcoming hearing, and future life. I wish you and your family the best, hang in there man you can do it!
Nick
April 21, 2009 at 11:52 pm
First a comment, then some questions. You don’t have to be a scholar of the Word to bring people to God. We are called to do so. If you can give a testimony to what He’s done in YOUR life, in no way would you be foolish to profess HIM to those who need to know about HIM. In other words, it doesn’t take a scholar. Now to my questions.
1) Are these your written words or are they edited by the typist on this site?
2) How are your skills in speaking to audiences? Your calling may very well be to go to various cities and speak across America about your rise and fall (and rise again).
3) If the speaking skills are not there, what do you plan to do for a living?
4) Do you need anything mailed to you (a letter, pics of women, other info)?
5) Have you discovered that any so called friends were no friends at all?
6) Please set up a myspace and Facebook page up if you didn’t already. And put your posts on them for feedback and networking. You have a lot of work to do when you get out. Don’t let us down. More importantly, don’t let Maurice Clarett down.
April 23, 2009 at 11:33 am
Maurice,
When is your upcoming hearing?
we are cheering for you man,if you think positive ,good things happen
Good luck from your friend from the south border.
Felipe
April 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Let go and let God. Your’re almost there. Onward and upward!
April 26, 2009 at 12:42 pm
[...] tremendous post from be Maurice [...]
May 3, 2009 at 9:27 pm
You were an incredible player. Having been born in Youngstown Ohio, I followed your career and was so saddened by the court saying you couldn’t enter the draft. (I think that the NCAA and the NFL conspire to keep players playing for free…essentially, it is a form of a modern-day slavery.)
I hope and pray that you get out and are able to turn it all around. I truly believe that you’ve learned a great deal and will never repeat past mistakes. I believe that you are ready to help others with your story. If you weren’t a role model before, then you are certainly going to become a role model now!
I’m a college professor and never thought I’d escape the chains that bound me to my past, but I did. I did and you can too.
My best to you and your family. Good luck my friend.