You often hear people, including myself, talking about and leaning on God’s shoulders in life altering situations. I often ask myself, “Why does it take nonsense for me to reach out to God?” I frequently forgot about him and his grace in the past. I disrespected his blessings and I took most of everything for granted. When I found myself in a vice, he was the first person I called on. It wasn’t a friend or family member. It was me on my hands and knees making every promise to him that I could. I made the promise that I believe everyone makes, “If you get me out of this situation, I’ll be good forever.” J Just think I am referring back to my first case. He knew I was lying because I caught a second case in less than a year. That is probably one of the worst feelings in the world; initially catching a bad case and then compounding the situation by catching another case before the first one is resolved. That is a sticky situation. Throughout the entire process I called out to God like never before. I think I read every religious and spiritual book to try and make things right which was insane looking back. I am saying it is insane because I had to reap what I’d sown. Karma, you know? I had to pay my debt back to society for what I had done. The religious and spiritual readings were cool, and they helped assist me to get on the path I am currently on but reading them alone wasn’t going to erase my criminal activity. When you’re desperate, naive, and a little psychologically messed up, which I was, you tend to believe things that are not logical. Come to think of it, I was a little delusional. LMAO.
Throughout my incarceration, I’ve learned to form a different perception of what and who God is. I am man enough to publically admit what God has done for me in my life. God knows and understands my intentions. God understands that it took a lot of self educating for me to comprehend and understand certain information at higher levels of consciousness. God also knows there is room for growth. I’m not a radical and I don’t do a lot of advocating for God because I am humble enough to know that I’m not educated enough to teach anyone any gospel. To try and to pretend to be a scholar of the word would be foolish and destructive. God had been wonderful to me. I salute God for carrying me through the good and bad times. I will give this advice though; make it your business to thoroughly research the person that is delivering you your religious or spiritual information. Make sure they have the proper credentials and make sure they are living what they preach. Be sure they are in it to deliver God’s word and not their own. Above all make sure your pastor isn’t preaching for profit and prosperity.