No Sleep
I can’t get any sleep. Now that my mandatory time is winding down, I always get caught up thinking about going home. Lord knows I try to keep my mind focused on the moment but I can’t stop thinking about my freedom. It is almost like the feeling I got when it was time to graduate high school. I am ready to begin the next chapter of my life. Even though there is nothing guaranteed with me getting out early I am still optimistic and hopeful that the state will see it fit to let me get my life back. A few irresponsible choices really altered my life. I can’t cry or complain though, I can only move on.
Even though I am not getting a lot of sleep, I still have to complete my daily duties. That is a part of the game of life. I have to execute my tasks and do them as if I had ten hours of sleep. A few cups of coffee can go a long way in a situation like this. There is no time for me to lie down and recover. I have business to handle.
I respect the amount of time that was given to me. It has really made me appreciate my life and it has shown me some of the things I took for granted. Growing up in the inner city I always knew what it was for people to go to prison but experiencing it firsthand is totally different. Contrary to popular belief, life is not a game to be played. As usual though, I am going to continue to handle my business and keep fulfilling my life’s vision. The greatest men and women on earth have days like this. Character is built during these times. I will let myself know if I really want what I say I want out of life by the actions I display today. I have to stay focused.
April 8, 2009 at 11:23 am
I often loose sleep to thinking about the daily grind. reading this after a night where i tossed and turned thinking about what is to come in the next days. It makes me feel happy that im not the only one. And that I am more fortunate than some. I stop daily to think about you Maurice. Hope your ankle is feeling better, and you stay positive and in a healthy mind set.
-Alex
April 8, 2009 at 12:03 pm
When are you looking to get out?? and what are your plans when you do get out???
April 8, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I’m new to this website. I read several of your posts yesterday and as always, I like to process the words of others. You seem or appear to be on the right track, trying to live a prosocial life while incarcerated. You are not a “bad” person, just someone who made some bad choices. I believe society will accept you back and embrace you as long as you realize that what a person does speaks more loudly than what they say. Without action, words are only words but again, you seem to realize that concept. People will judge you for sure because they only believe what people do and not what they say – to some you are no more than another criminal and to others you are a hero with one hell of a story to tell. Be careful not to place expectations on either type or yourself because you are usually disappointed and it can lead to self-pity. I agree with your statement that “respect” is something you give regardless and “trust” is something you earn but “integrity” is doing the right thing when no one else is looking all the time. “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” ~Unknown You can never get back time, words or opportunity so choose all three wisely. You create your own character over a lifetime and you are the only person who can change your character for the better no matter the bumps in the road. You are very courageous MC and I applaud you for being able to break down your image and get real with yourself. I have three questions:
1. Have you created/developed a re-entry plan back into society?
2. Have you made amenz or plan to make amenz with those you have hurt or caused harm to emotionally, physically and/or spiritually?
3. Have you been able to forgive yourself as well as others who have hurt you before and throughout your incarceration? Do you know how to work through a resentment?
Please take or leave anything I mentioned in this post. My feelings will not be hurt regardless. I’m just a person from the outside looking in.
I’m rooting for you MC! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless,
Oscar
April 8, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Hope you get out early too!! Can’t wait to see you succeed
April 8, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Hey man, I was thinking about you the last couple days. You have been and will be in my prayers. I am glad to read about your new found appreciation for being accountable for your actions. I don’t judge you or think badly of you. In fact in my boring life, I have made some of the same decisions that you have, the only difference is I didn’t get caught. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you let them down! You are still one of our neighbors,brothers,sons and friends. I am proud of your accomplishments and I hope you stay on the right path so that everyone who cares about you can tell our children about you overcoming adversity and becoming a winner again(on whatever field that maybe) after things looked so bleak.
April 8, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Do you think you will continue to blog? I’m sure people like me that read daily would like to keep reading & see how you get on in life.
April 9, 2009 at 9:48 am
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April 10, 2009 at 4:25 pm
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April 12, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Stay strong Maurice. Happy Easter!
April 30, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this topic,so thanks for writing. I will definitely be subscribing to your blog.