I’m Going Crazy
I am not going crazy. I just know that people have a weird fetish to read, watch, and listen to people having hard times. I wonder what that says about them. Let me look in my psychology book…J
I had a sudden influx of traffic due to my post on Monday. It is funny to think that people latched on to one of my more depressing posts. It made me wonder, do people like to see me miserable. Or do people just love and identify with misery in general? Was the post from Monday a reflection of the times in the free world? Who knows? It just made me wonder. I wonder if I use four and five letter words more often would I be the “Blog King?” J would that be more suiting? I don’t want to find out. I will leave it to the next person to try.
I will say this though, I wrote that to show people I am still human. Even though I have more energy, optimism, faith and ambition, than anyone you can imagine, I still get irritated at times. This is still prison. I do think that people gravitate and constantly tune into me because I am their best and worst thoughts and action. From the outside looking in, up to the point of prison, I was and still am an interesting and entertaining story to watch play out. I am guaranteed to push it to the limit every time. Good or bad, something significant, classical, and historical is bound to happen when I am around. Guaranteed.
I share these thoughts with everyone for the purpose of letting others watch my evolution. This is real life. I have no cameras, producers, writers, or sponsors to try to please on this reality show. This is “Daddy the Explorer.” J If I get out of here and become successful people will say that making these posts is one of the greatest things I ever did. They will take some of my comments off of this site and quote me like one of the greats. J They’ll invite me back to the special dinners, schools, and exclusive clubhouses that they stopped inviting me to when things went sour. They will want to take pictures and tell me how they always believed in me, even when I was at my lowest. Shallow people are so predictable.
On the flip side of the coin, if I get out and become a failure (NOT LIKELY TO HAPPEN), then people will say that this was nonsense and everyone were idiots for tuning in daily. They will use this as an example of great con. I won’t receive my invite to the special dinners, schools, or clubhouses. L I won’t take any pictures and the shallow people of the word will celebrate my demise. They’ll tell me that they threw my jersey away and they can’t watch the 2002 National Championship game because I am in it. Then they’ll tell me how I ran a slow 40 yard dash, got cut from Denver, and how stupid I was for leaving school early, and catching two criminal cases. Guaranteed. I am so above it all. Pay attention and learn something. Apply whatever it is you learn to your daily actions consistently and live free. The only thing that will bother me is a new indictment. I am out— back to business as usual.
April 1, 2009 at 6:57 am
Anyone who says they can’t watch the nat’l championship game becuz you are in it should reflect back on how many other times in recent and not-so-recent OSU history a single player made a play like you made and single-handedly turned the game around. I know it was a team effort but taking the ball from Mr. Taylor was THE difference in the game.
April 1, 2009 at 9:30 am
Maurice,
I must say that when I first ran across your blog I was coming to see a spectacle. I figured you were still trying to be larger than life.
Then I went back and read several of your posts and they really touched me. Thank you for your honesty. With all the different things that have happened in your life, you have a lot of wisdom to share.
It heartens me to hear about the priorities in your life now. I believe that when you come through this prison time, you will emerge the stronger for it. That doesn’t happen with many people.
Thank you again for sharing.
April 1, 2009 at 10:23 am
To be honest, your headline that day caught my eye. However, i don’t enjoy seeing anyone miserable or sad. But that’s life! I read your blog because:
1) it interests me
2) i might not reply to every posting, but i read every one of them
I’m not watching you play out, i’m more interested in your thoughts, your teachings, the lessons you bring to the proverbial table of life: for others that might stumble & fall.
April 1, 2009 at 11:10 am
I have been reading your posts daily now for almost a month and have been blown away with your honesty. I wanted to say that I think your blog on Monday got so much attention because it really solidified your honesty and your ability to relate so well to others. All people have moments/days/weeks/even years where they feel like that, whether they’re in prison or not. And unfortunately, most people can’t just use that time to sit and meditate until those feelings go away. I think that’s one of the difficult things about being “free” – you have to function in a world even when you aren’t up to the challenge and don’t feel like it. Some people probably imagine that prison might be an easy reprieve to the daily grind, though no one would trade places with you. Generally I think people don’t like feeling that way because it’s an uncomfortable, unhappy place and makes them feel like an outsider/failure. So it can be nice to read about other people’s experiences of hopelessness and frustration, because it makes people feel normal for sometimes going through that too.
Thank you Maurice for writing so openly about your experiences and your thoughts. It is great to follow someone’s spiritual and intellectual journey through such trying times. I hope that no matter where you end up (and I have great faith that you will succeed in whatever path you follow), you continue to share your experiences and thoughts with the world through this blog.
April 1, 2009 at 11:51 am
Mo-
I hope your doing well my man. I am from Cleveland, OH (Not a buckeye fan) and I know a lot about you from the time you went to Warren Harding.
Let me explain one thing that took me a long time to figure out, The World really isn’t that cold!
I can understand that I probably will never go through some of the things in my life that you’ve already dealt with, but you have to understand, people still dig ya buddy. You we’re an amazing athlete in Columbus and no one can take that from you.
All of the harassing people that you hear from are 5% of the population that go out of their way to act negatively. They’re losers that you at this point should care less about.
Also, as far as the increase in views is concerned, I think it’s because your blog was mentioned on Pro Football Talk.com. I jumped on to see what you said about Donte Stallworth, we’re concerned here in CLE and not for football reasons but for another shadowy cloud over CLE sports.
All the Best Maurice…..Keep on Keeping on!
April 1, 2009 at 1:37 pm
maurice,
thats the human nature,when you are in the spotligth they are your friends ….when you are not,they disapear.
thats why family is so important,and i see you got yours.
hang in there
ps:sorry about my english,i used to live in the US in 1994,so iam kind of losing my english…
Peace,
your Brazilian Fan
April 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Felipe,
What part of Brazil are you from?
April 1, 2009 at 7:59 pm
HEY, I have enjoyed reading about your transformation. Keep up the good work, love reading the blog.
April 1, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Maurice,
Today is my first day reading your blogs, and I must commend you on how good your spirits are. I am very familiar with you. Not only from always playing against you, from Hillman while I played for Hayes, till old high school days.
I also made a few bad (stupid) choices which landed me in prison and it definitely was a “life-long lesson” for myself. Not only did it make me a better man, but it made me realize the importance of life’s difficult decisons.
Thank you for being truly honest……thank you for keeping you head held high…..I wish only the best for you. I will continue to read your blogs daily…!!!!
April 1, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I just found this blog Maurice. My thoughts….everyone is human….period. I make mistakes, you make mistakes, we all make mistakes. People are to quick to pass judgment. I wish you the best.
April 1, 2009 at 11:02 pm
I was a senior at Ohio State during the season in which you dominated the game and I have been a fan of yours since day one. It is an interesting society in which we live in that people can be built up and torn down so quickly. Your background and mine could not be more different ; however, I have always maintained an interest in your career and life after football. Throughout the last few years I have had many conversations with people about your meteoric rise to fame and subsequent problems, but I have always maintained a level of understanding and respect for you as a person. I hope and pray that you are finding the peace and solitude necessary to get you to the next phase of your life ; whatever that may be.
April 1, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Maurice I am from the Y-town and I played ball for Chaney back in the day. I tell you that only because I will always value the joy of competing for the sake of competing. I was every bit as much as an athlete as you were only you were a way better athlete. Does that make sense?
I am way older then you but I believe what you are doing is important because you have a unique perspective of the world. You can influence not only adults but children as well. You have been to the mountain top and pushed your body in a way only another athlete understands. The physical pain often equals the mental anguish of wanting to give up. You do not know how to give up do you?
You are Y-town tough and you have character even though some may rush to judgment because of your mistakes. This blog demonstrates that you have character and that you are a thoughtful person, a loving dad and a good human being. All of us our prisoners at some time or another in our life.
I believe by reading your blog and following your sports career it is impossible for you to be a loser but not to lose. There was a short time period in your life when things went wrong . You will not only bounce back but you will prosper.
It is difficult to measure success partially because society often defines success as possessing material goods. You are a success in prison and it will translate to success on the outside.
April 2, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Hey Mo, my friends Mark and John turned me on to your blog about 3 weeks ago. They’re going to send you a Christmas Card. They said your postings are the “gift that keeps giving”. And don’t worry about the sarcastic comments you receive. The vast majority of your readers think you are sincere in your writings.
April 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Maurice-
I just wanted to send you a note of encouragement. We live in a world of second chances. The Good Lord will lead you if you follow.
Keep your head up man, and be humble.
Once a Buckeye, always a Buckeye!
God Bless you. You are in our prayers!
April 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Maurice, I have know you for a while now as a young kid and now a mature adult. Your journey has been, to say the least, interesting. I have always been very supportive of you personally. Your decisions were based on what was best for Maurice at the time. Everything in life happens for a reason. I definately like the NEW MAURICE.
April 2, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Hey Kid,
I hope you are doing well… my checking in with you and reading about your life this week. Have to say once again… you are teh only one responsible for your mind and actions. Please don’t ever worry about the good of people and the bad of people. YOU ARE LIKE THE UMPIRE WHO HAS TO MAKE A CALL. If you call safe or out… one side will like you for the call, and the other will not. That’s the way immature people are. people who cast their opinions about others… they should keep their f*cking mouths shut! No one will get hurt that way and there can’t be an argument. People shoudl just go about their own business and not stick their 2 cents into others. I’m very much looking for the day when you can race home and get back into the swing of life. Keeping lean and mean makes me think you have a big time plan and you will have a huge chip (a good chip by the way) on your shoulders to proove you can still be as great as you want to be in whatever it is you choose. DADDY IS FIRST… BOYFRIEND and or HUSBAND to your beautiful girlfriend comes second. Son to your beautiful mother comes third. Oh… and if you feel like tearing up the field again… that’s fourth. Have a hit list of things to accomplish, then knock them out one at a time. You are soooo young and soooo talented. You can do great at whatever it is you choose. You did it once… I will have a blast watching you do it again.
See you soon my friend, Scott Smith from NJ
April 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Man, u cant look back on what might have been, for sure, I am sure your future will be bright
April 3, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Maurice,
I am from a city call Juiz de Fora ,my city is about two hours from Rio de Janeiro.
Stay positive !!
Peace,
Felipe
April 6, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Maurice, i remember that 2002 title game, what you did in that game was amazing, you single handidly won the 2002 national championship for you and your team, in my opinion that Miami team was the most talented team to ever step on a football field in the collegiate level, and considering how you tore up one of the greatest defenses of all time was simply amazing
April 9, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I’m a Hurricane fan who came on this site as a novelty but I can respect your thoughts after reading them.
I’ve been through difficult and trying times and I truly do hope you succeed in your future endeavors. I believe anybody who would wish harm or failure for somebody is seriously living life in a sick and twisted way.
That being said, that game in 2002 broke my heart dude! That play you made on the S.T. interception was nauseating and the call at the end of the game was terrible. (In my mind the “U” still has 6 national championships and not 5) .
As tough as your life might be right now you still have life, the opposite of what the opposing player (S.T.) on that game changing play has. That alone should give you a warming smile on even the hardest and most irritating of days.
Again, I hope that you prosper in life on all levels.
April 10, 2009 at 2:12 am
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April 10, 2009 at 2:12 am
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April 12, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Maurice,
I came to your site on the recommendation of a friend. I guess the reason I kept reading was because I identify.
I know what it’s like to struggle. Maybe in a different than way than you- but when you break it down – things like that are a bond between people.
I saw a good movie recently called Doubt. One of the lines from the movie were from a priest about things that unite people.
“Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone. ”
I’m sure that some people fit into the categories you listed… shallow… but maybe that bond of the experience of struggle is what brings the honest/real people here.
-Carina