Excuse My Language
I woke up in a F*** everything mode this morning. I can’t lie about it. I just had one of those moments. I was real restless last night, tossing and turning because it was so cold in the cell. I got up this morning saying to myself, “F*** this, this s*** has to come to an end.” I told everyone that I have moments like these, back here. I got up and was looking in the mirror and there was no emotion on my face, absolutely none. I started to look at the pictures on my mirror of my family and friends and I thought to myself, “I am really spending my life in here and I have all of that out there.” I had to seriously ask myself, “Is this what I traded that for? Is this what I really signed up for?” I’d rather die before I come back to this hell hole.
When my attitude is like this I choose to consciously stay in the cell most of the day and do nothing. This isn’t the environment to walk around in with a chip on your shoulder. In situations like this, it’s better to stay to yourself and get your attitude in order. Believe me, there are hundreds of people who all feel the same way and when those attitudes have the opportunity to meet each other, nothing good happens, nothing. I am not about to make a bad situation worse. I did that when I caught a new case before my first one was resolved. I am cool. Moments like this are what make me really serious all the time. I understand how real it can get in life. I’m attempting to leave here early so my attitude has to be in compliance.
I always talk about choices, decisions, friends, wisdom, and the questions people should ask for a reason. Life can get extremely ugly and everyone is not tough enough to stick it out. So before any nonsense takes place, take heed to this information and calculate your movements in life. I am going to get it together in a few hours just by sitting in silence and getting back to visualizing what is important. I just wanted to share some of the things I am going through.
***Update: I currently weigh in at 223lbs and am pretty lean all over.***
March 30, 2009 at 6:31 pm
dealing with these types of days in a controlled manner is extremely important. thoughts and actions are cumulative and one bad day can steamroll into a bad week and before you know it your attitude can shift in the blink of an eye. i’m certainly not telling you anything you don’t already know, but keep your head up and stay strong
March 30, 2009 at 6:36 pm
keep good thoughts in your mind Maurice…think about your family and friends.
God Bless
Felipe
March 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Hang in there, dude
March 30, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Hey Maurice, You have never stopped being a hero to me. I was there in person for the play against Washington State when two tacklers just bounced off you. I think that play was the shoulder stinger. The interception theft and recovery against Miami is the single greatest sports play I have ever seen. After you left OSU, I’m not going to lie, it was still fun watching you. Sort of like TV drama that turned into dark comedy. Watchable. Interesting. Whatever. You were and are a remarkable character that I recognize as running on total instinct. Talent unhinged. Better than the system was ready to handle. Now I have been a frequent visitor to your prison blog for a few weeks and you are less of the person on the TV and more real. I got to tell you I have emotionless moments in front of the mirror like you describe. Probably the freak weirdos are the ones who can’t admit this to themselves. You write like you run. Keep it coming and always remember you have always been a hero to little guys like me.
March 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Hey man, are you ok?
March 31, 2009 at 6:06 am
I hope this morning is better for you! You have excellent skills & are bringing a very useful message through your blog. Remember glass is HALF FULL!
April 5, 2009 at 2:27 pm
God gave you what it takes to make it through a rough day.
Aren’t we lucky that He’s there for us? God’s blessings to you, Maurice.