Forgive and Move On
Ha ha. Let’s reflect back to when I was first locked down. I’m laughing because I remember when I would get mad that none of my old friends reached out to see how I was doing. I would sit in the cell wasting time thinking about their lack of communication. I think I spent my first four months being bitter about the shape of my life. I would sit in silence, staring at the walls dreaming of better days but I had no idea of how they would come. I’m not sure that I even had the mental ability to see into the next week. Incarceration was and still is real. Incarceration initially takes you for a psychological ride.
Before prison I don’t think I could have named you five books out of the Bible or library. The thought is embarrassing in a funny way. Doesn’t that sound unbelievable, twenty-two with no real knowledge of any religious or spiritual material? It is hard to believe that I neglected my spirit for so long. Most of my prayers in the past were to be healthy during athletic competitions or safe in the city streets of wherever I lived. That was the extent of it all.
It is good that I’ve separated from my old habits. I want to tell my old friends that I forgive them. I pray that peace be with them throughout their daily movements. I want to express to them that I understand that most of them have never been through this so I can understand them for not knowing how much support I could have used both mentally and spiritually throughout this sentence. Respect should always be there for them but it is official that I must move on. I have business to handle. I have a family and a vision. It doesn’t consist of nonsense and nightclubs. I am a father. It is time to move on.